


Dark as night

by meryswanhook



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Romance, Captain Swan Halloweek 2019 (Once Upon a Time), Eventual Fluff, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Mystery, Romance, Spooky
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-31
Updated: 2020-02-24
Packaged: 2021-01-15 22:35:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21260747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meryswanhook/pseuds/meryswanhook
Summary: Killian is in love with Emma, who just moved in back in town. But she has a secret, and she has to be away from him for him not to discover it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This idea came up in the most sudden way, and what it was going to be a little draft to post on twitter, developed into a multichapter. It's not my best work, I wrote the whole thing in a rush in one afternoon. But I liked the idea that much to decide to post it here.  
I want to post a chapter per day, as they are not very long and the fic fits with Halloween haha. I hope you like it.

1

Storybrooke was a small village in the mountain. Life there was peaceful, it was the typical town in the middle of nowhere where everybody knew their neighbors, and nothing changed. Everything was monotonous. The town travel agencies chose to show in their magazines.

Killian liked to live there. He born there, grew up there and worked there, and even though when he was a teenager, he hated the town, he now appreciated his life there. He had a nice job, his friends, a long beach to take long walks and people who cared for him.

One day, a stranger arrived into town. She wasn´t exactly a stranger, as she used to live there, but moved out to go to college and never came back. Until now, and only because her mother was ill, and she needed to take care of her. She was a beautiful blonde woman whose name was Emma.

The first thing she did after settling down was go to the local diner, Granny’s. she remembered the afternoons that she used to spend there with her friends. It was the heart of Storybrooke, and the owner was like everyone´s grandmother. She looked around her, nothing had changed, not even the blue-eyed, black-haired barman of the Rabbit Hole who was standing by the bar waiting for his order. She could have never forgotten him, not even in a million years. They used to go to the same school -not that there was more than one school in that small town-, but he was a couple years older than her. They’ve never spoken, but he was too hot to not notice him and she used to have a major crush on him.

When he spotted her that same morning, he felt how he lost his breath. He hadn´t thought of her for a long time, but now that she was back and in front of him, all the feelings he used to have were back. The truth is he’s always thought she was pretty, but now that she was a grown woman, oh my, she was a goddess.

The next days, that soon turned into months, he noticed she had the same routing. She went for a run though the forest every morning and then to have breakfast at Granny´s. when she was done, she went to her mother´s and they took a walk around town.

Killian always run to her at Granny’s. After his night shift at the local club, he always stopped for a cup of coffee before going home to sleep. But what once was a takeaway coffee, it turned into a whole breakfast at the B&B sitting in one of the booths, always behind Emma, looking at the blonde woman. And despite the fact he was always tired and wanted to go home and sleep, there was something in her that told him to stay there, to have breakfast there. She intrigued him. She once was this funny and open person; she would talk to everybody. Killian still remembered the sound of her laugh, it was an angelic sound, and he still could picture the wrinkles that appeared next to her eyes. What happened to her? He died to ask her, but he knew better than do that.

All those days in the cafeteria he would study her. There was something about her that called him, and it wasn´t only her beauty. Emma was surrounded by a mysterious aura. She was so reserved you could say she was shy. She was always alone and even though she had been living for some months in town, she didn’t have friends, not even the ones she used to have as a teenager. She only talked when needed and always with a reserved expression, as if expecting for something bad to happen.

One day, after a rough shift at the club he decided he needed to talk to her. He wasn´t feeling good, and maybe a conversation with the woman that used to haunt her dreams would do him any better. They were almost the same age, they’d seen each other in the halls of Storybrooke High when they were teenagers, it was bad form not to talk to her after her return.

“Hello, love” he approached her table with his coffee and his plate with pancakes. She was so focused in the newspaper that she jumped a little. A panicked expression crossed her face, but she tried to hide it “I hope it’s okay for me to sit here” she shrugged, but she would rather be alone “aren’t you afraid of running in the woods? I’ve noticed you go there every morning. They say there are wolves, bears and wild animals. There are lots of spooky stories and they say people have disappeared there”

Emma hid a shocked expression “I’m not. I know I’m safe there” she simply said, not giving more explanation. She didn’t need to tell him anything more, her fears were only hers. Killian smiled, he also remembered that, she wasn’t afraid of anything when she was younger. She used to be so carefree, even reckless sometimes. But he loved that about her, because he used to be the same.

“Maybe you are thinking why some strange dude is talking to you, but worry not, I’m not a stalker”

“I wasn’t thinking that, but now maybe am” she interrupted him with a laugh. Oh, that sound, just as how he remembered it.

Killian laughed too, relieved when he saw the tension disappearing from her shoulders.

“The name is Killian. You probably won’t remember, but we used to go to the same high school”

“I remember you. The popular guy who always wore leather jackets and had the most awesome motorbike in the whole town. Every kid was jealous of you. Boys wanted to be you and girls wanted to date you” even me, she thought to herself but didn´t dare to say it out loud.

He could have sworn his love for her in that exact moment, but instead he said, “I still have it” She opened her eyes in shock. Not that that bike was old back then, but she remembered how fast he used to ride it, she thought it would have broken ages ago “I can give you a ride sometime”

He expected her to say no but was surprised when she accepted. However, soon after she agreed, that plain expression was back in her face, so he decided not to bother her anymore. One step at a time.

“I don´t want to steal your time, love. See you around”

In his apartment, he changed into some comfortable clothes and retrieved a small box hidden in the top shelf in his closet. He had some photos saved there on his teenage years. He found the one he was looking for. Emma was smiling at him, a younger version of that same goddess. She wore the cheerleader uniform and was smiling to the camera. He remembered cutting that photo from the school paper and keeping it safe in a drawer. He didn´t want anyone finding it. They would think he was a stalker and his tough guy façade would tumble if his friends found he had a crush on her. He used to be so stupid back then.

When Emma walked back home, she had to hide her smile. She couldn’t believe he remembered her, that he talked to her. He was her crush when she was a teenager, but he was always with some girl, or too interested in his ‘I’m a teenager, I’m so cool for this stuff’ facade and at some point, she just lost interest. She knew better than to wait for the most popular guy in the whole town to notice her. Life wasn´t a fairytale, and high school lovers didn´t last. It was better not wasting her time. And soon after that she began dating Neal... major mistake. Just at the thought of him a worried expression replaced the grin. The memories of that relationship were too horrible to be thinking about them, but they were useful to remember not to trust anyone again and not to date.

Despite she enjoyed her time with Killian that morning and that the part of her that still wanted to be a teenager told her not, she couldn’t see Killian again. If she did, she knew she would fall for him and that couldn’t happen. She liked him, yes, she always had but she had to protect him. He had to be away from her and her secret. And that ride he promised? It couldn’t happen.

At home, her mother waited for her lying on the couch, pale face and a painful grimace. Emma was worried, she wasn’t doing well. That reminded her that she couldn´t waist her time with stupid teenage drama and she had to focus on her mother and her well-being.


	2. Chapter two

2  
The encounters with Killian at the diner started to happen every day. She was already there when the bells of the front door chirped, and not too late after that, he was already sat opposite her, with his cheeky smile. And she knew she should tell him to stop doing that, she should fight for her alone time, but she just couldn’t. She missed that, communication with another human being besides her mother, and he was nice, so nice. He was the first man who’s talked to her in ages without second intentions. Not that she wasn’t dumb or naive, he obviously wanted more from her, the flirting and innuendos told her so, but he respected her, he never pressured her. He just made her laugh like no one has done in years. He told her stories or what had happened the previous night at the club. He never asked her about her dark expression, why she was always quiet or why she was alone, even though she knew he wanted to, she could read that in his eyes. And that’s why they should stop that, she remembered herself. She couldn´t lie to him, but she also couldn´t tell him.   
It's not like they were dating, they weren´t. They were just two friends who spend their mornings together and talked as if they’d known the other for their entire life, but nothing more. Emma felt things, but it wasn’t like he felt the same, or like she could do something about it.

A few weeks after they’ve started having breakfast together, she stopped showing up anymore. If she couldn’t tell him with words he should stop sitting at her desk, maybe her actions did. It was the coward way, but she was that, a coward. She didn’t want a confrontation, she didn’t want his questions, because she wasn’t brave, or strong enough to answer him and not spilling everything. And she knew he didn´t deserve her avoidance, but it was the best thing she could think of, and she felt guilty.  
When he got into the diner that first day she stopped going, he felt something weird at first, but he didn’t know what. It was an odd feeling, like suddenly the usually warm diner was cold. He shivered. Killian had hot blood, so he was usually quite warm, so he was surprised when he started shacking a bit and felt his cold hands. Then, he noticed she wasn’t there. He waited for her, maybe she took a longer path that morning for her jogging, or she got distract by something else, but soon he realized she wasn’t showing up. Maybe she was sick.   
He went home and the next day he came back expecting to finally see her, but she wasn’t there either. The cold atmosphere persisted though. He was worried, why wasn’t she there? Was she sick? Did she leave town? Was her mother was feeling worse? He wanted to call her, but he never asked for her phone number because even though she was opening herself a little, he didn’t want to scare her off. When he left, he was worried, and he felt a foreign sensation that something didn’t feel right. Something in his gut told him so.  
She didn’t show up the rest of the week and he didn’t know how to feel. Worried? He was. Sad? Angry? He didn’t have the right to be angry, maybe she did was sick, but when that afternoon he saw her walking Storybrooke with her mother, he got annoyed. Was she avoiding him? Had he done something? She could at least had given him some kind of explanation. They weren’t kids, they could talk if something he did made her feel uncomfortable.  
That evening, before his shift started, he asked around to see if anyone knew were Emma Swan lived, and soon he was knocking at her door. Her house was outside the town and up a hill. It was closer to the woods than he had thought. The highway was ten minutes from the house. She kind of lived in the middle of nowhere and he wondered why. Everything was so quiet there; she must feel lonely living in that big house all alone.  
When she opened the door, he regretted even being there for the shocked and terrified expression she greeted him with. He knew that wasn’t because she was afraid of him, but why? Why did she act like that? It wasn’t the first time he’s seen that face.   
“What are you doing here?” She burst.  
“Not even a ‘hello’, Swan? That’s bad form” He half joked; half reproached her. She couldn’t even look him in the eye, so he relaxed his face and reached for her hand “I’ve missed you at Granny’s this week, love, and I was worried something happened to you. Are you okay?”  
Her face changed. She was still shocked, but this time it was more of surprise than fear, and even a bit of tenderness. She was still tense “I’m sorry, Killian, but I think we shouldn’t see each other anymore” she moved her hand back to her side. She didn’t want to feel his touch, or even look at him, she already felt miserable. When she sheepishly moved her eyes to his, she wanted to scream when she saw his face. But what was done, was done, and even though saying those words hurt, it was for the best.  
“What? Why?” He didn’t expect that “is there... do you have a boyfriend?” He was afraid of her answer, but he needed to know. They weren’t dating, obviously, but there was something between them. Or maybe he misread the signals and she wasn’t in the same path as him.  
“Gods, no” she almost laughed shaking her head, as if taking that thought out of her head. Killian was so puzzled he didn’t know what to say. Maybe he would have preferred her to have a boyfriend, he wouldn’t feel that rejected now. And why did she laugh? She was extraordinary, every guy would be lucky to be with her. “Look, Killian” she sighed, taking a step into the porch and closing the door after her “I like you and for that same reason I have to stay away from you. I don’t want to hurt you, and sadly people who are close to me end like that. Don’t ask me anything, but this is for the best. I’m sorry”  
Didn’t she realized that with that she was already hurting him? He felt rejected, even unworthy. She couldn’t do anything wrong to him. He could handle her.  
“I don’t understand, love. Why do you say that? You won’t hurt me, Emma”  
“Please, Killian, don’t ask me anything more. You know nothing, you don’t know what I’m capable of” that last part was a whisper, he wouldn’t had heard it if he wasn’t that close to her. She was sad, she felt the tears in the corner of her eyes. But she couldn’t cry, she had to be strong, because if she crumbled, she would do something she would regret later. And him would too. And even though there was nothing she wanted more than to shelter in his arms, he couldn´t. he wasn´t that person to her, the one who could comfort her every time she wanted. There was no-one like that in her life.  
“What is this secret you are afraid of?” He whispered, and she wouldn’t have heard it if she didn’t have that great hearing. He held her hands again, both this time, and searched her eyes. “Love, I don’t want to pressure you. Take your time if that’s what you need, but I will be here waiting for you, even if you just want to talk”  
“This is not about time” he still had that quizzical look in his eyes “I have to go back in” she looked at him one last time in his cerulean blue eyes before stepping in the house and closing the door before him. Then, she broke.  
Emma did what she hasn’t done for a very long time and cried. It hurt. Knowing someone wanted you, but not being able to reciprocate, even though she wanted to. But all this was for his well-being. She closed her eyes to stop the tears from falling, but the image of his hurt face was in the back of her mind. He had look at her with so much pain and she hated it. She didn’t want to be the person who hurt him, but better hurting him in this way than with the actual truth. Emma turned around and pushed the curtain of the little window next to the door. She saw how he disappeared down the path, his head down like a puppy that had been reprimanded. She glued him to her memory, she didn’t want to forget those weeks together, even if they did nothing more than have breakfast, because they’d been amazing, the most alive and happy she’s felt for years. She had really good memory, so that wouldn’t be a problem, she would remember him for many years.   
She needed fresh air and to forget the last hour, and she knew the best way to do so. For once, she didn’t care there was still daylight she needed to get out of there, so she left through the back door and rush into the forest, to soon disappear between the trees, running free. At least, she was certain no-one would see her. That’s why she chose that isolated house when she moved back town.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the nice comments, they are really appreciated. All of you are asking about Emma’s secret lol… keep reading haha, the truth won’t come out till the last chapter, but maybe if you pay attention, you’ll guess something… there are little clues. Anyway, thank you for reading.


	3. 3

That night he felt something different. The air was thicker, that same odd atmosphere he felt the other day in the cafeteria was back again. The night was cold, more than usual. He felt heavy, like something was dragging him down. In the middle of the night he told his coworkers he was heading home; he didn’t feel good. On his way back home, he heard the wolves in the distance. They were howling to the full moon. He felt a shiver running down his spine.

Every night he heard the wolves howling, but this time there was something different. First, it was a foggy night and the streets were empty and silence, like the ones in a horror movie just before the monster attack. Second, it was a lonely wolf, and its sound was louder, even painful, he thought. But that couldn’t be, he was thinking nonsense. Maybe he was sick after all.

When he got back to his house, he changed into more comfortable clothes and laid in bed. He’s been tired the whole day and thinking on the time he could go to sleep, but suddenly he felt very awake, as if something told him not to sleep and to be aware, to wait for something. He was so alert, listening into the night, waiting for something to happen. The clock ticked; everything was quiet. And that quietness startled him. Not even the sound of an owl, or the wind between the leaves. Sometimes, that wolf broke the silence, and he swore, he felt that it was calling him, that it was saying his name.

The hours turned slower than usual, his eyes wide open in the dark, his body not daring to move. But his brain was working. He had one thing in mind, Emma. She lived alone in a big house outside Storybrooke, with the woods at its backside. Would she be alright? The wolf wouldn’t dare approach the civilization, and it probably was miles away from them, but he couldn’t help to worry. He wanted to go see her, make sure everything was alright, but he wasn’t a creep. If Emma found him there, she would freak out. And she would be in her right. Then, he remembered her early runs in the forest. What if something happened to her then? What if that wolf, or any other creature, attacked her? It hasn’t happened before, but surely there was a first time for everything, and after that creepy night, it felt like it was fitting, like anything could happen. If something were about to happen, it would be then. He jumped out of bed, what should he do?

“Have a drink, Jones. Relax, you’re freaking out over nonsense. It will help you sleep” he said to himself, and he did that. He was just being paranoid, something that happened to him all the time. He took several deep breaths while drinking a glass of rum. Then, he went back to bed, but even then, he wasn’t able to sleep, and the morning eventually came. He made a resolution, he had to make sure Emma was alright.

It wasn’t the first time he walked those woods, but it was the first time he did that looking for someone, so with every movement he felt behind the trees, he jumped. He had goosebumps, and that weird coldness was once again surrounding him. Killian kept walking with no direction searching for her. Would she be alright?

Her mind was a mess. She wanted to cry, run, scream, jump off a cliff. She wanted to punch something. Why was she so careless? She had to go back home before anyone saw her. The conversation from last night with Killian had startled her, but she couldn’t let him make her feel like that. She had to win back the control of her life. Everything was just fine before him. She didn’t need friends, a boyfriend -not that he was her boyfriend or anything, but it was obvious that he wanted something more-. She was alright working from home, helping her mother when necessary, spending her nights watching Netflix. She needed everything go back to normality.

Suddenly, she stopped. Something was out of place, the noise of someone careless stepping the leaves. But it was too late, and she realized that seconds after a man appeared in a bend of the road. Killian.

“Emma, you are here” he seemed... relaxed?

“Killian”

He noticed she had the same clothes from last night, and they were a little muddy, even torn, but he didn’t say anything. That wasn’t important in that moment. Then he realized he couldn’t tell her he had been looking for her, it would be weird.

“I was... jogging?” That came almost as a question and he winced, but luckily, she didn’t notice it. She was too focused on making up some excuse to go home. “Can I join you?” he asked. He wanted to make sure everything was alright and make sure she made it home safe.

“I was on my way back” she noticed she was wearing the same clothes from last night. Had he noticed them too? Oh God, she was so stupid. He made a sign with his hand as telling her it was okay for him to go back to the town.

They made their way in silence, sometimes they would steal glances to the other when they thought the other wasn’t watching. Did he suspect anything? Was he there because he had found her secret? Did he want to harm her?

“Emma, wait” she then noticed he had stopped walking and was now behind her. She turned around and saw he was staring at something to his left, something inside the woods. She walked to him and what she saw made her skin go pale. There, next to some fallen trees, was a deer. A dead deer. What it was worse, it was turned apart, it’s gutses out. Blood was everywhere.

“Something has killed this animal, Emma. Something big” the marks of teeth were visible in its neck, as well as its back. Emma looked at him in panic. She really was terrified. Killian looked at her too “There’s a beast here, Emma. I heard it last night, it must have been haunting. It’s better if we go”

Killian took a few steps to continue their way, but Emma was like petrified in the spot, eyes still fixed in the poor animal. It has its eyes open and Emma started crying. It felt like the deer was looking her straight in the eye, judging her.

“Emma?” She flinched, Killian was back at her side again “don’t worry, we will be safe. And about that deer, it’s the circle of life. But we must hurry, it’s not safe in here, maybe the wolf is still out here”.

“The wolf?” she said for the first time, her stomach turning.

“I think it’s a wolf. I heard it last night and there are packs in the mountains. Let’s go, love” He rounded her shoulders with his arm and tucked her close. She let him comfort her, only for that time, and she buried her head in his chest. So stupid.

But what he didn’t know was that she wasn’t crying for the death of the poor animal, but because that’s never happened before.


	4. Chapter 4

4

Next day, as usual, he went to grab his coffee at Granny’s, and for his surprise, he found Emma there. But that time, just as she asked, he didn’t sit with her. He waved her on his way out and she nodded back with an almost-there smile, but nothing more. The next few days he found her there again. He didn’t know if that meant something, but he took it as a sign that she wasn’t going to hide again from him. Maybe she was grateful he helped her in the woods. But he didn’t pressure her. Those days she continued to give him smiles when he waved at her, and even sometimes she said a simple ‘hello’. That was good. Once, he asked her if she was alright, referring to the incident in the woods. She told him she was fine, although he didn’t believe her. True, she seemed like that week when they had breakfast together every day, but her shoulders were in tension and her eyes didn’t stop moving, as if waiting for something to happen.

Every time she saw him in the diner, she wanted him to sit down beside her, like he used to do. But every day, he wouldn’t do so. She asked him to leave her alone, he was respecting that. And she appreciated that, because she didn’t have self-control, and if he would start behaving like that week, she would end up going down the rabbit hole. And she couldn’t let that happen. She couldn’t take a false step again.

Finally, Tuesday came. And as on Monday nights he didn’t have work, Tuesdays were the days he used to have some fun. Sometimes visit friends, go for a hike or go to the city. It was the best day, he got to live like a normal person, using the day to do things and the nights to sleep. He parked his bike in front of Granny’s and went inside.

As every day, Emma was there, this time eating pancakes, his regular, instead of French toast and scrambled eggs, her regular. He smiled. But that smile fade away when he saw her expression. Her hair was a mess, she had dark circles under her eyes, and she was at the verge of crying. She was paler that usual. The aura that always surrounded her, that made him feel warm, wasn’t there that time, and he once again felt that foreign sensation, like the blood has left his body. Even though it wasn’t the first time that has happen to him, he felt afraid. That wasn’t normal.

That time, instead of just greeting her and then go with his paper cup coffee, he reluctantly approached her.

“You seem like you need a friend” Emma looked at him with red puffy eyes, and gifted him a tired smile, but didn’t say a thing. “If you want me out, I will, but Emma I care for you, and I know there’s something going on. Let me help”

“You can’t help me” she simple murmured looking away. With that, he sat down in front of her.

“Maybe I can’t fix your problem, but I can help you with it. I can distract you if that’s what you need”

Emma had her eyes looked on his, not saying a word. But then she nodded, at the same time as a lonely tear rolled down her cheek. He was worried. What was the burden she carried that took the life out of her?

“I promised you a ride in that famous bike of mine. Finish your food and we’ll go” he said in a cheerful tone, hoping it would help her. It made her smile a little. She finished her cup of coffee and followed him outside

“Want to know a secret?” Emma said once she was sat behind him, her arms secured around his waist. He held his breath, her body warm pressed against his back something he’s desired for so long “I’ve always wanted to ride in this”. They laughed, and soon the roar of the motor and the wind passing next to them was the only thing she could hear. She felt relaxed. The tension of those past years was lift off her shoulders, gone with the wind. Her brain, blank. She only needed to focus on the pressure of her legs in the seat and her arms around Killian’s waist. She leaned her head on his back and closed her eyes, the cold air cutting her skin and making her hair fly behind her. She felt free. Freer than she’s felt in years. Freer than when she... no, wait, her mind couldn’t go there. She focused on what was surrounding her, in the sensations she felt on her skin. She focused on him.

The roar began to fade away while they stopped. He hopped off the bike first, then helped her. When she took off the helmet, he felt something jumping inside him. She was smiling. But not one of her fake smiles, but a huge grin that took all over her face. And she was breathtaking. There were dimples in her cheeks, her eyes were wrinkled, and her nose crunched. He’s never seen her like that, not even as a kid.

“You are beautiful” he whispered, taking a step forward. She looked at him surprised, but her smile never fade. He took another step, he now was inches away from her, their bodies almost touching. He held a hand up and carefully, he touched her cheek, waiting for her to move away. But she didn’t. Instead, she closed her eyes when he started to lean on and without even noticing it, he had his lips closed against hers. It was a soft kiss, both too shy. Their mouths moved slowly. But the minute she inserted her tongue in his, he felt an explosion inside him. Her warmth, which he’d noticed before when they were together, was all over him. It was a weird sensation, as if he had fire inside him. But instead of being afraid of it, he felt relaxed. She had a unique taste. He savored grass, and rain, and apples, and cinnamon. It was a peculiar combination, but he liked it. Soon her hands were on his hair, her long fingers running though his head. His arms were around her waist, holding her close.

At some point they needed to breath, so they separated their lips. They were panting, breathless, but they didn’t move, foreheads together, noses almost touching.

“Better?” He asked in a whisper, not wanting to ruin that magical moment.

“Yeah” and it was true. Worry, sadness, tiredness, pain, fear... that had disappeared. She only felt calmness, serenity, love?

They spent the day away in his bike, stopping from time to time for gas, or to eat or stretch their legs. And they kissed more.

At the end of the day, he left her at her door, and it was when she closed the door when negative feelings appeared again and surrounded her, spiraling around her and taking her breath away. Her mind was too powerful and even if she tried, she couldn’t stop the bad memories and the anxiety. That night, she disappeared into the woods again.


	5. Chapter 5

5

They kept running into the other at Granny’s, and sometimes in the street. Those encounters made them happy, but Emma was still reluctant. Killian wanted to seek her, t follow her every time she left the diner, but she was a person with some kind of walls protecting herself, and he couldn’t just break those without warning and intruding in her life like that. Not if he wanted to make it right and her to see him as a good man. It was a long process; one he knew too well.

He dreamt of dates with her, more shared kisses, to hold her hand, to have her body pressed against his in the warmth of a bed, but he was content with what they had. Breakfasts at Granny’s. Just two friends who spent half an hour a day together. Since that day driving away of Storybrooke, they hadn’t kiss again. Emma felt more comfortable like that and he didn’t push. Sometimes she was calmer, happier, it was easier to be with her. She even made some small talk, laughed at his jokes or made ones herself. But other days they just stood quiet. Killian learnt to read her the minute she walked into Granny’s, and he knew what kind of morning it would be.

She longed for something more, something she couldn’t afford to have. She wanted him in her life, but she couldn’t do that, she couldn’t endanger him for selfish reasons. She knew that kissing him was a mistake, which made them fall again into that routine of meeting every day, but those kisses felt good in the moment, and she didn’t regret them. She should tell him to stay away from her again, it would be easier that way, but she was just too weak. She was tired of being strong, of hiding her truth to the world, she wanted that to end, but she couldn’t do anything. And she knew she was being selfish for giving him hope that maybe someday he could have her, but he was the only person that kept her sane, that kept her from doing something she might regret all those nights. And she didn’t want him out of her life, despite all her efforts to do so.

Suddenly, some weeks later, her mother died, and she went downhill. Everything happened so fast, she thought it all happened at the same time. One time she was alright, the next she was dead. Almost everybody in town came to see her, but she didn’t let anyone in. Killian also knocked at her door, but she didn’t open. She couldn’t. The next day there was a funeral and they buried her. He was also there, but she didn’t want to talk to him. She felt this rage burning her from the inside. Her mother was supposed to live, Emma was there to make her better, she shouldn’t have died. Emma hated her, hated the doctors, people in town who would come to her house, who left food at her doorsteps. She hated Killian. It was his fault. If it weren’t for him, she would have spent more time with her mother, she could have cured her, but he distracted her. She didn’t want to see him ever again. But there he was, knocking at her door day after day, asking if she needed anything, even if she didn’t answer. But he knew she was there, listening.

She looked like a mess; her house looked like a mess. In a moment of rage, she had destroyed everything. There was glass on the floor, her couch was destroyed from the inside out, like that deer they found in the woods. The kitchen table was nothing more than splinters. Her fridge was empty, but she wasn’t hungry. Her clothes were torn apart. She didn’t care.

In the daylight, it all seemed better, the sun, or the birds chirping or the wind, she didn’t know what, but all that helped her to feel better; it was at night when she felt everything was falling down and it was when she always broke.

The days were moody now, the always-there-clouds threatened Storybrooke with an electric storm, but it never came. It was waiting for something; Killian was sure of that, as if something huge and important had to happen before the black clouds released their content. That odd coldness persisted too. He was always cold, no matter how warm he took his showers, even under the water he was cold. That characteristic warmth was fading out, same as Emma. She’d been locked in her house since the funeral, but when he went to her house, he’d been able to see her through the window, and she didn’t look good. Every time he went to her house, there was a darkness surrounding it, as if it were inside one of those dark clouds up in the sky.

He was worried, it couldn’t do her any good being all day in that empty house, driving insane every passing hour. She needed light, she needed people, she needed some interaction. And he needed her, or at least to know that she was alright.

In his way to her house that afternoon, he stopped by Granny’s and bought a grilled cheese sandwich and onion rings. He knew it was Emma’s favorite. He’d noticed that the food the neighbors had left in her porch was untouched. She was too stubborn and hurt to accept help, but she needed to eat. That night he wasn’t leaving until he made sure she had eaten something, she didn’t need to talk to him if she didn’t want to, but Emma had to take care of herself. She couldn’t starve to death, not under his watch.

With every step that lead him towards her house he felt colder. He shivered. Just like that night months ago, he felt something was about to happen. He rushed to her house. He was almost there when he saw her leaving, running to the forest as if she was being chased. He dropped the bags and started running after her. Why was she running to the forest? What was there? Was she in danger?

The leaves where scratching his face. She’s abandoned the path and was going through the forest. He feared they would get lost. Did she know where they were heading? Suddenly, she stopped running. She was in the middle of a clearing, the light illuminated her, and in that moment, she looked like a mystic creature of the forest. Her blonde hair seemed silver under the light, cascading down her thin figure. He looked up to the sky: full moon. It was when he looked down back to her when he saw it. Her body was shaking, but at the same time was in tension. She growled and looked up to the moon.

“Emma!” He screamed, afraid. What was happening?

When she heard her name being called, she turned around, a terrified expression when she saw him. He saw the fear in her eyes, but the other thing he saw there petrified him. Her eyes were greener than usual, a tint of yellow, and they were... sparkling? Before he could think anything else, Emma disappeared. She fell to the ground. And all of a sudden, a big, beautiful wolf stood in its four legs. The creature was majestic, with blonde, almost white, fur. It looked him in the eye, emerald green eyes that he knew so well and were terrified. He understood.

“EMMA!” He yelled, walking towards it -her-. Which was a mistake, because she turned around and run away “No, Emma, wait” but he was left alone in the dark. He heard a howl in the distance, a sad sound that broke his heart into pieces. Now everything made sense. Why she was always alone, her reluctance with him, why she asked him to stay away, that secret she feared, why she was that morning in the forest, the real reason why she was afraid when he found the deer. It was all her. She was a werewolf.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As many of you guessed, she is a werewolf hahahaha.   
Someone pointed out that she couldn’t be a werewolf and the one that killed the deer because her t-shirt wasn’t blood-stained. That’s because when she is werewolf her clothes kind of dissapear and she is just a wolf with fur. When she is human, her clothes are torn apart and dirty because the transformation process and because she runs though the forest and the branches tear her clothes.  
Anyway, I’m sorry for not updating in ages, I’m a horrible person. I have one chapter left (and maybe I’ll write a prologue I’m not sure yet) and then this little story will be over. I know it’s so random, probably some things don’t even make sense lol, but I still don’t know how this idea got into my head haha.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading this. I’ll try to post the next chapter tomorrow, but as I still have to re-write some parts and check for any mistakes, I can´t promise anything. But I would love to post a chapter per day to not lose the ‘spooky’ spirit lol. I hope you like it.


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